Siblings of Children With Autism

My daughter, Denyse, and son, Keith

When you have a child with special needs and other children without, things can become quite difficult. The attention that the other child/children receive can sometimes become more limited in comparison to those with special needs.. While raising our children I tried very hard to let my daughter, Denyse, know how important she is. I also grew up with a sister that needed a lot of extra attention and wanted to make sure that my daughter knew that she was just as important as her brother.
We continually made efforts to do things just with or for her throughout her childhood. Denyse played softball most of her school years and we made a point to go to all of her games and practices. Keith was born only two and a half years after her, causing her to never know any different than to have a little brother like him. However, I would still make sure to connect with her often about Keith and why things in our lives weren't identical to those of her peers.

Denyse loves her brother and has always been like a second mother to him. She was very protective of him with children that came over to play and had questions about him. Any child does not come into contact with those with special needs does not understand behaviors thought of as "different."

During my son's toddler years, he spoke a language that only Denyse could understand and she would act as a little translator for him. He would become frustrated that my husband and I could not understand him, but she would always be there to help him express himself. Upon my son being scolded or spanked by my husband or me, we would here Denyse sneak into his room and hold him in his bed, soothing his tears, telling him everything is okay, and that she loved him.

When Keith was no more than four or five, a neighbor friend of Denyse's came over to play and Keith was still unable to speak. He was speaking "his language" in an enthusiastic manner alone in his room as the girls walked by. The neighbor laughed at him and asked my daughter if he was crazy. Denyse became outraged and shouted at her friend, telling her to get out of our house and that she could never come back. This was the first of many times that she felt as though she had to protect him while they were growing up. She has always come to his rescue, and he to hers.

If Denyse was ever in trouble for any reason he would inquire about why she was in trouble and try to re-negotiate with the authority at hand in order to get her out of it. Upon first moving to Florida Denyse and Keith were on their way to a movie when they got into a fender-bender that was Denyse's fault. Denyse explained to him that she should have been paying more attention and that everything would be okay. He was so concerned that she would be punished when they returned home that before she could say anything, he began to plead with us to not punish her. Keith made sure to remind us that everyone makes mistakes and that Denyse had learned her lesson.

I find their affection for one another to be adorable! I am so proud to have raised two adults with such empathy and compassion in their hearts. I see other families with similar sibling arrangements in which the sibling(s) without special needs are never taught to embrace the differences between themselves and their siblings. That is not to say that these children do not love and pay attention to their sibling(s) with special needs, but they often do not understand fully what is "different" about them nor do they have a true understanding of their siblings.

Like most young adults and their parents, Denyse does not always see eye to eye on things with her father and I and we have had our issues, but nothing has ever changed between her and Keith. I wish that my sister and I would have had the sort of support and communication from our parents like we did with our children because I the love that they share is truly amazing. My sister and I get along great now, being women in their forties, but in hind sight I wish we would've been like this all along.

If you have a child with special needs and another child without, please make sure to communicate with them effectively about what makes each of them special and important. Make sure that they understand one another and learn to never judge another individual for any reason. Like all things to do with raising children, make sure to use and instill patience in your children, especially when one of them has special needs.

Always make efforts to talk to, spend time with, and play with any other children you have. Although it is hard to spread your time out, even the smallest things can make a difference such as reading with them alone in their room before bed or taking them with you for small shopping trips. The littlest things make a huge difference...Remember that children need you more than material things.

Please leave comment or questions that you would like me to answer!! What are some things you would like to see me write about? I am open to any suggestions you may have!

~A Proud Mom~

Below are some photos of Keith and Denyse